For Jess and Nancy the day began at 5:45. They were meeting Omar (Guatemalan Tourist Assistant) to drive an hour to Puerto Barrios. There, they would consult Hugo at the court house. They had the expectation of identifying possible suspects and bringing closure to necessary legal paperwork. However, after hours of waiting, delays, shopping for boat things between delays, waiting, waiting and waiting, Nancy was asked to stay another week, No, wait, Two weeks, so the defense could be "prepared" to LISTEN to Nancy's testimony. And two weeks was just a good guess on how long it might be.
Jess and Nancy did get to look at photos of Dan that the police had taken at the crime scene. The officials were hesitant about sharing the photos to be sensitive towards Nancy. However, curious as ever and wanting some sense of what actually happened and how Dan died, Nancy requested, again to view the images after being denied previously. The details of death were clarified somewhat within the pictures. What Nancy and Jessica discovered was actually quite remarkable. It wasn't some sort of gory massacre scene, as rumor and the press have painted it to be. On the other hand, it wasn't easy, glorifying or idealistic to look at death this way. But something the photos did reveal was that Dan's eyes were beautifully clear and open...bright blue. His head was tilted back, his face was looked calm and apparently painless. It wasn't a picture of suffering any longer, rather it was one of surrender to something bigger than us... His arms were opened to his sides and he looked as if he was taking flight from the physical. He looked beautiful and this was a relief.
A side note:
I remember racing to reed lakes with Daniel and Dan one summer...part way on bike, part way on foot. The two Dan's left me in the dust, laughing and encouraging one another the whole way. I was shocked that I was being toasted by a sixty year old man. He rallied as fast and smooth as he could over all terrain. I think we had Dragged Dan from the office on that particular occasion. He needed to get out of there. On the way back down the valley Dan asked to hang behind us... he'd catch up. Dan was feeling the Chi, so to speak. A while later I looked back and caught him running to a nice place to kneel and meditate. His intensity and focus was incredible. He'd drop everything to feel the pulse of source in his heart. After some time he was standing, doing what appeared to be some Tai Chi moves. His arms were outstretched and his silver hair was blowing around in the wind, smiling, exuberant. He was sporting his red and white striped short shorts. Like daisy dukes. It was purely awesome. Daniel and I laughed, loved him even more and realized how cool Dan Dryden the Senior was. How could you not love someone who loved the essence of this life with such persistence. So today when I heard Jess and Nancy talking about the pictures I had a realization in knowing that this death is painful, was painful...but for only moments. I think Dan knew how to open his arms and allow spirit to step in and take over at the right time. He was always prepared for flight. Always prepared to make graceful entrances and exits. Assured that he wouldn't miss a thing on either end.
Back to business:
While the Dryden ladies were experiencing the glacially slow politics and nuances of Guatemalan police and lawyers, Daniel, Brian and I finished boat chores, did a little packing, made lunch, took a nap, walked to town, ate ice cream, liquados, and experienced an incredible lightning storm which caused some sparking of electrical appliances in this very un-weather proof marina house which has been made available to us. The thunder sounded like a whip snapping down from heaven all around. The energy of the day was less focused than others and a pervading low crept in. Reality. The understanding that Dan's not coming back. He's not just around the corner waiting for a hug...this was apparent and unsatisfying. No amount of ice cream or beer could fill the void. We even tried cigarettes, but we just coughed and smelled bad. So much for pacifying ourselves with exterior comforts. So we sat in a hammock until the darkness became night, and held a tear-muffled silence to understand the unanswerable questions we all have about life, death, love and all. No cooing, tenderness, tucking in of sheets, cookies and milk, rocking in a hammock, baking cakes, or singing lullabies can make it all change....but the beauty of unconditional love is all encompassing. It jolts us alive with the energy and awareness that's been dispersed between all of us. And THAT'S what the illumination of Awe is derived from.
Over and Out
R and D
